Saturday, April 29, 2006

 

On Being A Woman

We have all, at one time or another played the “feminine issue” card with our male boss, husband, father, brothers, or someone in our life. Whether it was to use the bathroom longer or get out of work early, we have each, in our lives, alluded to that highly mysterious, slightly intimidating issue that men instinctively know is off limits for discussion.

Menstruation is the one topic that all men – young or old, rich or poor, gay or straight – don’t want to hear about. Apparently, unless a man has just had a baby, lactation is an equally disagreeable subject.

I schlepped my breast pump to and from Las Vegas because I had a conference there last week. On the way back, I sent it through the X-ray machine at check in. The X-ray guy stopped the belt and yelled, ‘what is in this bag?’ I was already a bit separated from the bag, as the line had merged forward. I tried to make my way back to the X-ray guy but before I could, he bellowed (in the most you-are-about-to-be-sent-to-the-strip-search-room voice I have ever heard) “WHAT IS IN THIS BAG?!?” I leaned forward and loudly whispered in my most it’s-a-female-issue voice “it’s my breast pump”. The X-ray man looked one part startled, one part flustered and one part disgusted. “Move along” he said quickly. I caught a glance at the line and all the men were giving him knowing nods of encouragement.

It is good to know that even in matters of national security, we gals can still play the female issue card.

 

On Being A Wife

Dave has, for the past two weeks, been working on a documentary for the Discovery Channel. The producers of the piece are two women from Scotland.

Last Tuesday, he called me at 7:15 pm and told me that they had just finished up the day’s work and wanted to have a beer at the pub beside their hotel. He said he would be home later.

I put the girls to bed and fell asleep myself a little before nine.

At 12:15, I woke with a startle. I felt beside me on the bed and nothing. I began listing off in my head all of the terrible things that could have happened – car accidents, bar shootings and the like. After ten minutes of this highly unhealthy line of thinking, I picked up the phone and called his cell.

When he answered, I didn’t hear the din of bar noises in the back ground. In fact, it was perfectly quiet on the other end. AND he answered the phone with a whisper.

Me, “when are you coming home?”

Him, “hold on”.

My confusion turned to concern when I recognized his tone of voice. It is the voice he uses when he is trying not to wake someone up! To top it off, I could tell by the rustling on the other end, he was walking away from something! What the heck was going on?!

Slowly, my bedroom door opened and in came Dave with his cell phone pressed to his ear. He whispered into the receiver, “I’ve been working in my office and didn’t want to wake the girls.” He took the phone from my hand and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I’ve been home for three hours. Don’t you remember me coming in and kissing you?” Clearly, I had not.

Life is better when your husband is a good man.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

 

Who Are These Women?!?!

I recently visited the Stukel family website. Dave’s grandfather is turning 100 years old this summer and there is going to be a huge family reunion in South Dakota.

A website was created as a communication tool for this event and has turned into a rather lively discussion spot for the hundreds of people in the family.

Poking around, I found this posting:

"...a microbiology professor at the University of Arizona in Tucson recently found that 30% of the handbags he tested were covered with 'fecal bacteria'---about 100 times more than what's on a typical toilet seat. Why? Women often set their bags on bathroom floors!! So next time use that hook on the door." (Glamour)

Before I went any further, I had to look up ‘fecal bacteria’, sure enough, Webster confirmed, it means poop.

So, the way I see it, this begs a bigger question - how does poop get on the floor of bathrooms? I can only think of one way….

Using the hooks is not the advice I need from this Glamour article. What I want to know is – who are these women that are pooping on bathroom floors and how do I keep them away from me, my children AND my handbag.

Editors note: If you are reading this blog for the first time and are tempted to comment on the scientific explanation of how fecal bacteria gets on bathroom floors, please know that this post is 100% in jest. I was, if you will, simply being feces-tious.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

 

We’re All Lucky

Yesterday, I took the double wide (stroller that is) with me when I picked the girls up from school. It was a brilliant sunny day so we walked down to the beach.

Since the weather was so perfect, there were lots of people out and about. Several folks stopped to admire the girls in their wide-brimmed sun bonnets. As we strolled along the artfully paved sidewalk above the sandy beach, we stopped to admire the view. Bekah and I talked about the way the ocean smells and how the seagulls sound. As we sat there I told them, “Bek and Lex, we are so lucky to live where we do. This is a wonderful afternoon”

When we got home, Dave was making Amish Friendship Bread that Kate gave us on Easter. The three of us saddled up to the ‘bar’ (kitchen island that is) to watch. When he was finished, I handed Bekah the wooden spoon with the batter on it. She literally squealed, she was so delighted. Dave said to her, “you’re pretty lucky to get the whole spoon.”

As Dave put the bread in the oven and started cutting up the chicken for dinner, Bekah said between vigorous spoon-licks, “Daddy, you willy lucky to be making dinner por us”.

Dave chuckled and said, “yes, I suppose I am”. It was a happy family moment.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

 

Is There Anything More Delightful Than Watching Your Two Year Old Find Eggs On Easter Morning?

.
.
.
.
I doubt it.
.
.
.
.

Friday, April 14, 2006

 

Mystery Solved

We did some investigating at Bekah’s school today.

The teachers say “criss cross apple sauce” when they want the children to sit cross legged with their hands in their laps.

They also say, “one, two, three SILENCE!” (Bekah will sometimes get a time out for talking after the teacher says SILENCE)

When we first moved into the house, I was invited to a play date with the neighbors. We were talking about Edmonds daycares. The mothers were telling me that they would see the teachers from Mainstreet at the local park. They proceeded to tell me how the teachers are all from Russia and very strict and a little ‘rough’ on the children. As they shook their heads in disapproval, my mind started down the opposite path. That’s exactly what my strong-willed, outspoken, redheaded first born needs - little old-fashioned eastern European tough love. Bring on the babushkas!

My prediction was true. Bekah loves Ludmila, Lesia, Ilena, and Dana (all from Bulgaria). If you don’t know how much they care about the kids, you might be a little taken aback by their style, but it is effective and the kids adore them. There is no doubt about it. They run a tight ship. Bekah told me yesterday that she got a time out for moving. I am sure there is more to the story, but I bet not much more.

Lexie starts at that school on Monday. It will be interesting to see how she does. It took awhile for her to settle in at the last school. Bekah is thrilled to have her little sister in the room next door. I am glad to have them finally at the same place. If the women in the infant room are as good as those in toddlers, Lexie will be just fine.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

 

Mystery of Crab Apple Sauce

Last night I was watching Bekah play ‘school’ with her doll, Stella. Bekah was showing Stella how she needed to sit cross-legged with her hands in her lap for story time.

She says to Stella, “you sit cab apple sauce, okay?” After a minute she repeats herself, “you sit cab apple sauce or you get a time out”.

I stopped her. “What did you just tell Stella to do?”

“Sit cab apple sauce”

“Sit crab apple sauce?”

Nod.

“Is that something they tell you to do in school?”

Nod.

“Your teachers say, ‘sit crab apple sauce’?”

Nod.

“Do you mean sit Indian Style?”

She gave me a puzzled look and I realized that term probably isn’t politically correct anymore and besides, her four teachers are from Bulgaria. What do they know for Indian style?

I had been feeling pretty good about my interpreter capabilities. The other day, when we were watching a dvd, we had this conversation,

“mommy, tease it.”

“tease what, honey?”

“Tease Nemo”

“Tease Nemo?”

“YEESSS (starting to get frustrated) tease Nemo”

“Oh! You mean pause Nemo?”

“YEESSSS” (now happy)

And two nights ago, we had this conversation

“mommy, my have ki-geegles tonight?”

“ki-geegles?”

“YYEESSS (starting to get frustrated) my have to have ke-geegles?”

“Oh! Do you mean do you have to take bath tonight? No.”

(happy again) “Tank you mommy”

(last week, I put goggles on her when we washed her hair. At the time, she called them geegles. I had called them swim goggles. She must have switched them in her head to ski goggles – which then came out ki-geegles.)

So this one is throwing me for a loop. I’ll have to find out if they really call sitting cross legged ‘sitting crab apple sauce’ at school.

Friday, April 07, 2006

 

Can I Getta Amen

I stretched my technical muscles this morning. I added a hit counter to this blog and I made it easier for you to post comments.

If you check the left side of the blog, toward the bottom, you can get a feel for how many people are logging on to read about my beautiful, wacky little girls.

Also, if you have an opinion about a posting, I encourage you to comment. I know this blog has a diverse readership (an international readership too!). Posting comments ads to the sense of community that helps blogging bring people together.

Happy Friday to all.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

 

Mommy Gets a Bum Rap

Three weeks ago, I took the girls to visit my parents. Two things happened on that trip that have changed the dynamic in our house.

The first is that my mother gave me a stack of Dr. Seuss books. Rebekah LOVES those books. She reads them all the time. They are all over the house. She likes one in particular – Fox in Sox.

One night, Dave was reading it to her and after he read the page that went:

“Clocks on fox tick
Clocks on Knox tock
Six sick bricks tick
Six sick checks tock”

I said, “wow! That book is a hard one! I don’t know if I will be able to read that one!” I was joking, of course. (I know full well that she can’t read and won’t know when I say it wrong). But, like I keep telling everyone in my family, children don’t understand irony until age five.

That night, when she was picking out her bedtime book, she holds up Wacky Wednesday to show it to Dave. She gets a genuinely concerned look on her face and asks him (as if I can’t hear). “dis one too hard bor Mommy?”

Now, every night when picking out her books, she will hold one up and ask me “dis one too hard bor you?” Sometimes, the book is something like “Dos and Don’t”

Page One: “Do change your socks every day”
Page Two: “Don’t make anyone smell them”

The second thing that happened during the trip to my parents’ house is that I got lost trying to pick Dave up from ski patrol on my way back over the mountains. This left a lasting impression on Bekah. The following week, she kept asking me if I would get lost when we went back to nana and poppa’s house. One day, I off-handedly said to her “I won’t get lost because Aunt Stacey is going to be with us next time and she is REALLY good with directions”.

This stuck in Bekah’s head. Now, every time we get in the car to go anywhere, she says to me, “don’t get lost, OOOKKAAAY? Aunt Tacey not here to help you”.

So this is how it is. After working my way up the corporate ladder, earning a graduate degree, sitting on half a dozen philanthropic boards, my daughter thinks I can’t read or find my way to our grocery store.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

 

March – The Month of Firsts

March was a big month of firsts for little Lexie.

She made her first crawl. Her first tooth broke through, and… yesterday was diagnosed with her first ear infection.

On Tuesday I told Dave she was sick. Her eyes just looked funny. She was struggling with a fever but we figured it was just teething. Day care sent her home on Wednesday because of the fever. Dave had her all day on Thursday. He said she was a bit bi-polar, but certainly couldn’t be that sick, because she laughed and grinned so much. On Friday, school called and said come get her. She had thrown up and had a fever again.

Each of these days, Dave would say that she wasn’t that sick. I kept saying that maybe we should take her in but I didn’t push the issue because she didn’t seem too sick.

We finally took her in Friday afternoon. Sitting in the waiting room, I was watching her and I started to think maybe I was overreacting by bringing her in. She was laughing and coo-ing and seemed so healthy.

In the appointment, the doctor looked in both of her ears. They had wax build up so she had to dig around and clear out the goop. Then she checked her mouth (with that little compressor thing). The doctor looked at her a little confused and asked about her mood. We said that she is such a good natured baby that we were having a hard time deciding how sick she really was. The doctor told us except for the really lethargically sick babies, she hasn’t ever seen one that would let her dig around in her ears and use the tongue compressor like Lexie did without crying. She announced that Lexie had an ear infection and I was stunned. When Bekah was that age and had ear infections, she would scream bloody murder when the doctor got near the ear.

So Lexie is on Amoxicillin. Mark that down as another first for the month. Her first experience with “pink medicine”. Bekah is an old pro at the pink medicine and likes to give Lexie advice on it. Her advice goes a little something like this “you take you pink medicine like a good girl Lexie, and you get a sticker, OOOKKKAY?”

 

Bekah Reads the Bible

A few weeks ago, Bekah brought her “Baby’s First Bible” to bed as the book she wanted to read before talk time. This was also about the time she started to insist that she read the book instead of me.

Now, the Baby’s First Bible hasn’t gotten a lot of reading lately, but the Mother Goose book has.

So Bekah’s reading of the Bible went a little like this:

Noah’s Ark (picture is of various pairs of animals)

To the tune of Humpty Dumpty

“humpty dumpty fell on the wall
and all the kings giaffs
and all the kings efalents
and all the kings snakes
and all the kings pippapamus
and all the kings birdees….
Couldn’t put humpy together AAAGGGAAAINNNN.
Then end”

Baby Moses (picture of baby in a basket, floating in the water)

To the tune of “Rockaby Baby”

“Rockaby Bailey
in twee top
win blows
cadle wock
down come baby lexie
cadle and AAAALLLLLL
the end”

David the Shepherd (picture of David with the sheep)

To the tune of “Baa Baa Black Sheep”

“baa baa black sheep
have you wool
one for my dame
one for my masta
one for my masta down de lane
the end”

Baby Jesus (picture of Mary holding Jesus)

To the tune of “Diddle Diddle Dumpling, My Son John”

“did did dum
my son John
went to bed with one sock on and one sock OOOOFFFFFF
the end”

Jesus Stops the Storm (picture of Jesus in the boat with four other men)

To the tune of “Three Men in a Tub”

“Rub a rub rub
twee men in the tub
rub a rub RUUUUUBBBB
the end”

Jesus is alive (picture of Jesus putting his hand on Mary’s forehead)

Diddle Diddle Dumpling again - mainly because this is her favorite one.

The end.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Free Web Site Counter
Hit Counters